My computer’s mouse sucks big time. It’s a Genius, and it seems like it was specifically designed to piss me off. Before starting its production, Genius administration had a meeting with the staff, which probably may have sounded like this:
“Hey, do you know that guy from Portugal?”
“Yeah yeah we know him. What about him?”
“Well, we need to piss him off.”
“No reason, we just need to do it.”
“Sh sh sh! It’s already been decided. So, let’s hear some ideas.”
“Maybe… maybe we could build a mouse…”
“Yeah, like a terrible mouse that doesn’t work.”
“Yes, yes, a mouse that does a lot of noise when you click it.”
“And with a scroll that doesn’t work properly.”
“And with a terrible cable that pushes the mouse all around.”
“And with some hard rubbers so it won’t slide smoothly.”
“And we could design a software that makes the buttons work only once in a while.”
“Ohhh, I like the way this is going guys…”
And this is how my Genius mouse was created. I blame this mouse for most of the grey hairs I have on my head. So after three years I decided to buy a new one.
A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a computer shop browsing through all the different brands. I needed the mouse to do some work on Windows, so I thought “What’s better than a Microsoft mouse? Right? Microsoft is a good brand, and I need to work on Windows, so a Microsoft’s mouse is probably the best choice. Right? I can’t see any way this can possibly go wrong.”
Well, it did go wrong. Very wrong. For starters it did not work on Windows. What?? Yeap, you read it right, the Microsoft’s mouse did not work on Windows. Which is not a big deal. I just had to download a specific driver from a giant maze they call “official website”. And the best part? I got a new icon on my system tray. Oh I just love when they through a bunch of useless icons on that little corner of the screen. I really, really love it. Thank you Microsoft. Thank you so very fucking much for that.
The mouse itself was actually pretty good. Except for the buttons. I swear I was afraid to make a hole on my desk every time I clicked that middle button. Thank god I bought the “comfort” version. But who cares, right? It’s just the buttons on a mouse, it’s not a big deal. It’s like a car with a steering wheel that doesn’t rotate properly. It’s not the end of the world. The really annoying part was that every time I suspended the computer the mouse would stop functioning, and I had to unplug it and plug it again. I tried it on other computers and guess what? Same problem. I paid 30 bucks for this mouse, COME ON!!!
Strangely it worked flawlessly on Linux. No need for extra drivers, no extra icons, no suspending problems, plugged it once and that was it, worked perfectly. Linux sucks.
So this is what I did in the correct order:
1 – I went back to the shop;
2 – I exchanged the mouse for a wireless Logitech;
3 – I got half of my money back;
4 – And I wrote an email to Microsoft saying “Dear Microsoft, fuck you.”
What is the best part about my new Logitech mouse? It works. How nice is that? A mouse that you plug into your computer, and then it just works. Just like that. It looks like witchcraft or something.
At the end of the day it’s nice to know that Microsoft’s ability to drop huge piles of shit does not restrain itself exclusively on operating systems.