Why I Hate Shopping Centers – Reason 1

Shopping Center Logo If you read my review about the movie Fury you will know that I profoundly hate shopping centers. There are several reason for this hate, and I decided to post one every week. Enjoy.

Reason Number 1 – The Zombies

Zombies generally walk in hordes, and tend to block entire corridors, specially when you are in a hurry. They are actually normal human beings who are completely unaware of their surroundings, and walk like they have a fucked up muscle disease.

This is how they operate: first they assemble a group of zombies, then they chose a long narrow corridor full of people rushing from both sides, then they organize themselves in order to block the whole corridor, and finally something extraordinary happens in their brains…

I’m not sure what exactly is that goes on in their brains, but I guess it must be something like this: “Hey, what am I doing? Oh, wait, I’m walking, sooo… how does walking works? Oh, I remember, I have to move my legs! Wait, is it both legs at the same time or is it one after the other? Mmm… I think it’s one after the other. Ok, I’m going to move one leg, but which one? Mmmm… mmmm… I’m going to move the left leg first. Ok, it’s decided, I’m going to move it now. I’m going to move my left leg right now. Here it goes… wait for it… wait for it… almost… done! Wait, what was I doing?”

To deal with zombies you have to follow this instructions: first say “excuse me”, then wait for them to turn their heads around, then wait for them to realize they are obstructing the way, then wait for them to slowly move a little a bit to the side, and then pass through them as fast as you can before they decide to eat your brains.

I’ll be honest with you, when I’m in a hurry and I find myself behind this zombies I feel a strong urge to smash their heads with an iron pipe. Hey, don’t judge me, I’m not a bad person, and isn’t this the best way to kill zombies after all?

Shopping Center Main 01


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